Today I was looking through some old pictures on our desktop. I have to say that we have been well documented. They say pictures are worth a thousand words. The only thing that they don’t show is what’s on the inside. The condition of the heart. Man we were living it up by the world’s standards. We had more friends than you could count, we were always at the best parties and a lot of the time the life of the parties. There were a lot of good times. There were also some rough times that we were thankful to have friends to help and lend a hand. So many pictures of great times, all smiles and all appears to be happy.
Truth is, we were dying on the inside. The honest truth is we were dancing with the devil. I don’t expect everyone to understand. I also wouldn’t be surprised if some thought I was being a little extreme. And that Ok, I would have thought the same thing if you would have told me that four years ago.
We have lost a lot of friends since we have left that lifestyle. Some haven’t left but have just distanced themselves. Almost like we have caught something bad that could be contagious. Truth is we haven’t caught anything. But we have found and gained something. We have found sobriety and security of not only our future but also our eternity. Something that can only be found in a real relationship with Jesus.
For me the first steps were the easiest to recognize yet the hardest to actually do. I was in deep. From the drinking every day to the promiscuity. From the lying and manipulating to the cheating others. There was some drug use scattered here and there from weed to the hard stuff. In order for this to work, I mean really work, I had to disconnect from it all. At least until I had a foundation to stand on. A foundation in Jesus. I had to change everything. I had tried before only changing a few things and it didn’t work. It didn’t work because I was in to deep. I had to make the choice to serve God %100 or not at all. I had to kill the old self and I couldn’t do that while still living as the old self.
I’m not going to lie, it was, and still is at times, a painful process. But looking at those pictures I see a different person. I was lost and spiraling out of control. It’s funny because of the response I get sometimes when I share my testimony with people, they look at me like I’m talking about someone else. I get replies like “I just can’t see that” or “you’re making that up”. Well I’m not, I tell them, that’s how good God is and just how far He has brought me.
2 Corinthians 5:14-15 “For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again.”
2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come”
In order for the old to be gone I had to let it go. I had to let all of it go. After letting it go God will make everything new. That was the key I was missing, letting my past go and letting my past die. God wants to recreate us but we must let Him do it His way and not our way.