I promised myself when I started this whole blog thing that I would be completely transparent and honest. That I would write whatever God laid on my heart. Today proves to be a difficult one.
You see, I have trust issues. Not with trusting others, although at times I struggle. Not even with trusting God. I’ve always trusted God, even when I was rebellious against Him. No for me it’s a little different. My trust issue lies with myself. I really struggle with trusting myself. The battle wages in my mind daily about myself.
I struggle with the thought of being and/or becoming a failure. Not to you or even myself, but to God. I battle with my past and sometimes, a lot of the time, allow it to determine my present and future. I battle with what may or may not be hiding in the darkness of my past.
A simple knock on the door from an unexpected neighbor can sometimes send my mind into a panic. I have had more than enough time where it’s been the cops and it’s me that they want. I’ve even had them come get me from my job and even once at school when I was in high school.
I’ve had people walk out of my life and even turn on me when finding out about my past. I’ve had people, even blood family; twist the present truth based on my past for manipulation purposes.
All of these things stem from my past lifestyle, my lifestyle before submitting to Christ. This comes from the old me, the me that the devil wants me to return to. The me that I don’t like and don’t want to be.
So as I’m typing this the answer is clear. The problem is revealed. It is part of the growth process. As we draw closer to God we move farther from our old self. When I was walking in my old ways I was a marionette puppet and the devil had the strings. Jesus cut those strings. Jesus cut them and the devil cannot reattach them. The devil cant, but we can. We can by giving into the fear and doubt that the enemy tries to use on us.
We don’t give the enemy enough credit sometimes and in turn he tricks us. We forget that he’s been doing this a lot longer than we have. We forget that he is very sneaky and a tricky thing. And that’s exactly what he wants, he wants our guard down. He wants us to be in self and not in Christ. The enemy fight us every time when we’re not in Christ.
We all have a past, some worse than others but a past none the less. This is not a fight that can be won on our own, the enemy doesn’t play fair. He will cheat, con and manipulate any one he can to use against you. That is why Ephesians 6 and the armor is so important. We can’t be suited properly for the battle while walking in self. If our focus is taken away from God and Jesus then we become vulnerable to attack.
Some think that it’s not that complicated, that they seldom are, if ever, under attack. For those I would suggest reevaluate your relationship with Christ. If your never under attack then your no threat to the devil. Anyone who is truly following Christ is a threat to the devil. Just something to ponder.
If you’re struggling in this fight, remember that we are always here to help in any way that we can. If you have wondered away from the Lord we’re here to help you find your way back. And if this is all new to you and you would like to have a relationship with Jesus, we’re here to help in that area as well.
A friend once told me “You become the average of the five people you spend the most time with”. Something to think about; who has most of your time and is that your ultimate desired outcome?
Be blessed and show the love of Jesus to someone today!
In Christ alone