Here I am lying on a fold out couch in a hotel room across from Baylor Hospital in Dallas. My dad is across the street lying in a bed with a lot of things hooked up to him. He is very sick but God is working and we are seeing progress. While this is a tough time for my family, God is using this to do amazing things.
There are things that God allows to happen that He will use to His advantage. While looking at this situation can seem scary, and we have had some scary moments with my dad, it has been used to do some amazing things. Some relationships have been mended, some have been created and some have been strengthened.
While the possibility of losing my dad is real, I find peace in knowing that God is in control. Life and death is in God’s hands. As much as we try and convince ourselves that we are in control of our lives, it is a false sense that will be revealed at some point in our lives. There is nothing that I can do save my dad, but what I can do is go to the One who can. The doctors can’t save my dad, but I can go to the One who can. God is the One in control and God is the One who can save him. God can use the doctors or He can do it on His own power. Either way it is only Him that can do it.
I must admit there was a moment, actually almost a whole night, that my faith was very weak. My trust and focus had shifted from God and moved to my dad and his physical problems. I even tried a few times to ask God to remove all of this from my dad and give it to me. In desperation to save my dad, I begged God to give it to me and if needed to take me instead of him. While this may sound courageous it was going against God and His will. I was being led by my flesh and my emotions and not by the Spirit. While I felt God telling me to trust Him, my fear was greater and I ignored it. My mind and my heart was consumed by what I saw and my faith was and still is being tested.
As I lie here my dad is still very sick. As I lie here he is still hooked up to all the machines. They still have him in an induced coma. The difference is my perspective of the whole situation. The difference is who it is I allow to control the situation. The big difference is that I have been reminded that regardless of the physical outcome God is still God and God is still in control.
These past three days, as of today, I have spent with my brother and sister. Time, we haven’t had in a very long time. Family has come and gone from time to time to show support even though some of the relationships had been broken over the past few years.
I had the opportunity to spend some much needed time with my oldest daughter the other day. Time that probably would not have been possible without something like this happening. We talked about everything from when she was born to the plans for her future. I was blessed with the opportunity to meet her amazing husband and get to know a little about him as well.
I have learned over the past few days a lot about the human body. I have learned about the makeup of our blood, how they can separate it, take out the bad, replace it with some good and put it back in. I’ve learned that the body can function on only one lung and that, if given the chance, the lungs will heal themselves. I’ve learned that they can give you something that basically stops your brain from functioning while in a coma. I have learned that they use music in the healing process and it is proven to work.
Here is what I was reminded of from the Spirit:
Isaiah 42:5 “Thus says God the LORD, Who created the heavens and stretched them out, Who spread forth the earth and that which comes from it, Who gives breath to the people on it, And spirit to those who talk on it:”
Genesis 1:27 “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them”
God created us! God knows what is best for us. God knows how to fix us.
Genesis 22 God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, his only son. Abraham, being faithful to God and trusting God, went through the motions and had every intention of going through with it. God provided in the form of a ram in a bush. By trusting God and not his feelings or emotions, Abraham grew in his walk with God.
Exodus 14 we see Moses and the Israelites backed into a corner with what appears to be nowhere to go. God, through Moses, parted the Red Sea and gave them safe passage. By trusting God, with what I am sure sounded crazy, Moses parted the sea.
Daniel 3 we see Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego thrown into the fiery furnace heated times hotter than usual. They exited untouched, with not even the smell of smoke on them.
Daniel 6 we see Daniel cast into the lion’s den. Daniel, with his faith in God, trusted Him to protect him. Through his faith God closed the mouths of the lions and Daniel was unharmed.
Matthew 1:18-25 We see Mary, a virgin, give birth to a Son named Jesus.
John 2:1-11 We see Jesus turn ordinary water into the best wine at the party.
Matthew 14:22-33 We see Peter walking on water after being called out of the boat by Jesus.
Luke 24 We see Jesus conquer hell and the grave and rise from the dead to be seated at the Right Hand of God.
The list goes on of miracles and proof of the Power of God. As the Spirit brought these to memory, I was presented some questions:
Am I powerful enough to be in control (God)? And who are you trusting in this time of sorrow and need?
It was a revelation that hit me hard. It was a revelation that made me realize that my trust and focus had shifted. My focus had shifted from God. Even though I thought I was prepared to face all of this. Even though I felt I would remain focused, I wasn’t. I wasn’t prepared for the intense emotions and pain that flooded me as this all began. Not that emotions and pain shouldn’t be felt, they shouldn’t be what is in control.
We serve a God that is all powerful. We serve a God that hung the sun and the moon. We serve a God that has seen what tomorrow will have in store for us. We serve a God, that if we would only submit, will lead us to Him.
Jesus made a profound statement in Matthew 11:28-30. “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
When I got here, and I saw my dad, I immediately put on a different yoke. The yoke that carries fear, regret, resentment and immense pain. Allowing this to be present it put a heavy load on me. A load that I wasn’t meant to carry. As Jesus stated, His yoke is easier, His burden is lighter. By giving all of this to Him, by surrendering it all to Him, the burden was no longer mine. My burden became His. My burden changed from worry and fear to just showing Jesus and His love. The burden of fixing my dad shifted from me and became Jesus’. Where it belonged in the first place.
Maybe you are going through a rough spot as well. Maybe, just like me, your faith is being tested by your trial. Rest assured that Jesus is the key. Know that if you would just surrender it all to Him that He will take care of it as He has designed. It is how it’s going to go anyway so why carry the burden.